I Write Porn Not Plot
by just-another-generic-emo-kid
Summary: Oneshot SasuNaru. Based on the song, I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! Wedding!fic, but not like you'd think. Unrequited SasuSaku. Happy sappy ending.


I Write Porn, Not Plot

_What a beautiful wedding, what a beautiful wedding, says a bridesmaid to the waiter._

"It's such a beautiful ceremony," Ino says to Shikamaru," I just can't believe Sakura snagged the Uchiha."

"Yeah, whatever," Shikamaru sighs.

"Okay, okay. I guess I'm just a little sad that I wasn't the one to get Sasuke," Ino mutters, slightly bitter.

"Can we go sit down now?" Shikamaru asks, watching the clouds out a church window.

"Fine, you lazy ass, let's go…wait a second."

Ino creeps up to a slightly cracked open door at the side of the hallway. She can just barely make out the silhouette of Sasuke and…some blonde. Some blonde whose throat he had his tongue down, some blonde that was most certainly not Sakura. (Not that anyone had ever seen Sasuke kiss, hug or touch Sakura affectionately in anyway.)

"Ino, this is an invasion of privacy let's just go." Shikamaru goes unheard though, because Ino is busy barging through the door.

_I'd chime in," Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?"_

Naruto pulled away from Sasuke as someone shouted," You tramp, get the hell off Sasuke!"

Sasuke's dark eyes widen as he recognizes Ino's voice. He stumbles away from his dobe and turns around, wiping at his swollen lips.

Shikamaru glares at the two lazily," Why did you close the damn door? Now she's going to going on and on and she's just going to be insufferable."

"Sorry Shika," Naruto mumbles, blushing to rival Hinata.

"This is…this is…I mean, how could…you two…Sasuke, you're gay?" Ino stutters her way to a logical thought.

"Hn," Sasuke grunts. Naruto is still blushing.

"And with Naruto? What the hell? If you're gay why did you propose to Sakura?" Ino shouts.

"I didn't." Sasuke says, but Ino doesn't hear him as she backs out the door.

"I have to tell Sakura!" Ino screams as she runs from the room.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru mumbles, staring out the window. This one has a much better view than the one in the hall.

_Oh yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore._

"Sakura! Sakura!" Ino yells as she runs up the aisle to where Sakura is talking with the minister.

"What do you want, Ino-pig?" Sakura asks, flicking invisible dust off of her short, white dress.

"Sasuke! Sasuke in the room…" Ino panted.

"Yes, yes, Sasuke is in the groom's room." Sakura rolls her eyes, turning back to the minister.

"No! Sasuke was with Naruto in the room!" Ino explains.

"Well, I'd imagine so, Ino, seeing as Naruto is the best man. Though, I have no idea why Sasuke-kun would want that idiot in the wedding at all." Sakura says.

"They were kissing."

"What the hell are you talking about Yamanaka?" Sakura asked, clenching her fists.

"They were kissing, tonguing, swapping spit, tonsil hockey, necking like horny teenagers and humping the gorillas." Ino listed for clarification.

Sakura scream and ran toward the groom's room.

_Oh, well in fact; well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved._

Sakura stormed into the room, face red with rage and completely ready to punch a blonde's face in.

The only person is the room, however, was a snoozing Shikamaru.

"Nara! Wake the hell up! Where are Sasuke-kun and Naruto?" Sakura snarls on Naruto's name.

"Did they leave?" Shikamaru asks. Then shrugs and closes his eyes.

Tears of anger form in Sakura's eyes. She turns and exits the room, stomping toward the church doors. She opens the heavy wooden door just in time to see the Uchiha's car peal out of the church parking lot, taking both the owner and the idiot with it.

Sakura screams before she breaks down crying, falling to her knees on the church steps. (Little does she know, though, the short skirt of her wedding dress is caught in her underwear, and won't that be embarrassing when (if) someone comes looking for her?

_Well, this calls for, a toast so, pour the champagne. No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality._

"Sasuke?"

"Yeah, Naruto," the raven answers as her turns the car onto the highway, intent on leaving town.

"Did you, did you mean what you said back there?" Naruto asks.

"About what?"

"You really didn't ask Sakura to marry you?" Naruto asks in a small voice.

"No, I didn't."

"Oh, well then. Sasuke?"

"Yeah, Naruto?"

"Will you marry me?" Naruto asks.

Sasuke rests his hand on Naruto's thigh," Of course."

-

A/N: Yeah, yeah. That was a sappy ending. But shut up.

The song (I Write Sins, Not Tragedies) that I bent to my will is the property of Panic! At the Disco, Fueled by Ramen and Decaydance.

Well, was it okay?


End file.
